Life is full of ironies. That's how I see my own life- a life which is full of ironies. At times, I can only laugh at my own foolishness and I deeply regret some of my words and actions in the past, but there's no turning back.
I have never felt like what I feel now- a great sense of loss and emptiness, it is like part of my life has been ripped away from me and I'm left all alone in my own world. Well, I thought that being an introvert it didn't really matter as I live in my own world and nothing could really bother me, but how terribly wrong I was. I have to admit that I do feel lonely after the only best friend I've ever had has passed away recently. I never thought that she would leave me so soon...Even with my family members around, I still miss her so much. The thoughts of her occupy my mind always...It's true that I can never explain how I truly feel. But to show my sadness and spoil the happiness of others around me is not something I usually do...
I'm not questioning one's mortality and I can accept 'qada and qadar', what is fated by Allah will certainly happen and that is one of the pillars of 'iman'. However, sometimes I find it quite difficult to handle my own feelings. There are times when I feel really weak, it's like there's a heavy burden on my chest, I feel suffocated and all I want to do is to cry my heart out...That's when I make a lot of istighfar. To lose someone I love dearly is painful and no words can ever describe how painful it is. I don't want to let myself to be drowned in deep sorrow or self pity because that gives way to satan- that's the advice given by my late friend. When calamity strikes, that's when you get the closest to Allah. I realise that the reality is I don't really own anything in this world and everything is temporary. Well, even our shadows leave us in darkness...I still have Allah and that gives me the strength to keep on moving...until death stops me...
ALLAH KNOWS BEST
Allah knows what's best for us
So why should we complain
We always want the sunshine
But He knows there must be rain
We always want the laughter
and the merriment of cheer
But our hearts will lose their tenderness
If we never shed a tear
Allah tests us often
With suffering and with sorrow
He tests us not to punish us
But to help us meet tomorrow
For growing trees are strengthened
If they withstand the storm
And the sharp out of the chisel
Gave the marble grace and form
Allah tests us often
And for every pain He gives to us
Provided we're patient
Is followed by rich gain
So whenever we feel that everything is going wrong
It is just Allah's way
To make our spirit strong.
-Anonymous-
